The Real Me
by Lone-Wolf-Kai
Summary: Everyone always has their own view on Kise, whether it's the copy cat of the Generation of Miracles, the famous model or the student. Kise is always smiling, but he never shows his real self and thoughts to anyone. T-T Sorry for the horrible summary. I'm not very good at writing them. Slight KiKuro.


**XD This is my first ever KuroBasu fic on here. This idea came to me after seeing athensis's awesome Kise cosplay on DA. Kise is always smiling and it sometimes makes me wonder if he's really showing all of his emotions or if he's hiding them. It makes me wonder if his smile is just for show. I think it ended up as a bit of KiKuro at the end. Anyway, I hope you like it.**

"You play basketball AND you're a model? You're so cool Kise!"

That kind of comment would always make me smile.

"Good job on today's game! We couldn't have won without you!"

That comment would bring me so much joy, I couldn't help but smile.

"Smile Kise"

I would, the camera would flash, the photographer would look at the camera and nod his approval while everyone started setting up for the next picture

"Your photo shoot went well today. Keep up the good work and you won't just be on the covers, you'll become top model too"

This kind of comment always made me happy and would follow up with a smile

"Kise-kun, you're doing well in your training. Let's get some ice cream together"

Even though Kurokocchi said that in a dream, I woke up with the goofiest smile that morning.

All those things used to make me smile genuinely.

Used to.

I can't remember the last time I smiled genuinely for anything. The things that used to bring me joy now only bring me pain.

So what if people think I'm cool? I can't see what's so amazing about playing basketball and being a model at the same time. If anything, it's a huge pain. My manager is always yelling at me for having basketball related bruises and ruining my "flawless" skin. They claim not to mind me playing basketball since that means I'm taking care of my body, but whenever I have the slightest scratch or bruise, they rant about how I should quit the team. The coach and my teammates don't mind me being a model. They think it's really cool. Though if I ever have to leave early or if I can't come to practice because of a photo shoot, they go on a huge rant on how I should quit modeling. Neither side understands that doing both things on top of being a student is actually quite draining. There are times I end up neglecting schoolwork and I don't get the best grades sometimes because modeling and basketball take up so much time. Whenever that happens, both sides complain about my incompetence. Lucky for me, my teachers have relatives that love either the model me or the basketball player me. My teachers and I make a deal. I give them autographs and they give me passing grades.

I rarely get to be in games any more. If the coach doesn't think much of the opponent, he doesn't put me in. The only times I am put in are for strong opponents and official games that count. I almost wasn't able to play against Kurokocchi during the practice game. On the times that I am put in, everyone expects me to be in the spotlight. They all expect me to be perfect, just like my copies. What they don't know is that sometimes I wish I wasn't able to copy at all. I wish they wouldn't view me as perfect.

It's becoming harder for me to give a convincing smile during photo shoots. The feelings behind the smile just aren't there any more. Lucky for me, I've been smiling so much, nobody can tell the difference between my real smile and a fake. Not even I know what my real smile looks like any more.

I used to dream of the day I would become top model and used to think I would be so happy. Now that I'm at the top though, I just can't see the joy I used to have any more. I'm getting tired of giving smiles that no longer hold the same emotions they used to. I wonder when I started losing interest. I'm getting tired of showing the opposite of what I feel on the inside. Every time I look at a picture of me, I end up wondering if what I'm seeing is the real me or not. I don't even know who the real me is any more. Is the smiling person in the photo me? Or is the basketball player the real me? I'm not sure.

It's even more frustrating since nobody understands, which means nobody will ever be able to save me from this. Nobody understands the pain and nobody will ever see it as long as I keep smiling. It's my job after all. As a model, I have to put on a smiling face for the camera. A mask. Nobody ever notices the pain because a camera only captures the smiling face on the outside. It can never capture the pain and turmoil on the inside.

"Kise-kun, I'm glad we won today, even if it was just a practice match. In the end when you cried, I was able to see the real you and not the mask you show others. It would make me really happy if you would show more of the real you more often. It's okay if you don't smile all the time."

Kurokocchi really is amazing. All I've ever wanted was for someone to notice the real me. I just want someone who doesn't expect me to be a beautiful model or an amazing basketball player or a good student. I finally found that someone in Kurokocchi. He doesn't treat me special like the others. He never wants to be around me just because I'm a model. Even though I'm stronger than him in basketball, he taught me it isn't always about being in the spotlight like I originally thought. He doesn't compliment me like everyone else. Instead, he tells me his true feelings, which end up being more valuable than any other compliment. When asking him who he thought would win, instead of going for the obvious answer of Aominecchi, he gives me an honest opinion. He doesn't come to cheer me on during games like everyone else, but when he finally raises his voice even though he never yells, his words are more valuable than everyone else cheering for me. He doesn't expect anything from me like all the others. With him, I can just be myself. I don't need to be the copy cat Kise from the Generation of Miracles. I don't need to be the famous model Kise. I don't even need to be a good student.

I can just be Kise.

**Thank you for reading and I hope you liked it!**


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